anak ng…

Subject: Meantime Girl (do they have to knoooww– about my… meantime girl? -JJ)

***Was there ever a time you were this girl?  or still is?***

What’s a meantime girl?

She’s the one you call when you’re bored. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend.

She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your Christmas party, or to go out with on a Saturday night.

She’s the one you spend time with in-between girlfriends, before you find "the One". You know, the one you keep around in the meantime.

She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman either. She’s not bitchy enough, not moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light.

She’s too laid back, too easily amused by the same things your friends are amused by. She’s too understanding. Too comfortable. She doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely and in need of intimate companionship, she’ll do just fine.

You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve.

She’s not easy, but you know she cares about you and is attracted to you and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, because she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility of you having any romantic feelings for her.

It won’t bother her that you’ll stand her up for the woman you’ve been mooning over.

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair.

You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, its mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs. She could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them, if she really wanted to.

But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off.

Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of great qualities but has left out the ones that people like you want (or think they want) in a woman.

So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly, she blends in with the crowd.

She’s safe.

She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn heads of everyone in the room. But.. she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone too. We all do.

She has feelings, and a heart which is probably bigger and better than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and still likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, and though she has absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

it’s alright when you’re caught in pain and you feel the rain come down… when you find your way and you see it disappear… though your garden’s grey

i know all your graces someday will flower

in the sweet sunshower

–chris cornell

it’s dianne’s intlaw makeup exam today, and my proposal defense is this friday, and where are our boys?  not only are they MIA, but they have caused us such disturbance that we’re afraid we won’t be able to deliver.  still FO for us means Friendship Ongoing, and we’re bound to forgive and forgive.  after all, ‘to let go is to fear less and to love more.’  (Dianne’s t-shirt, 2007)

would like to give a special shoutout to my eurofor class who do absolutely nothing but study study study.  HEY KIDS.  btw ya i remember now who johann is.  am i spelling his name right?  cool. 

dianne: "ate tumataba ka." 
jacqui: "do you have to be so honest all the time?" 

i just finished my proposal.  as in the revised, pre-defense draft, biblio and all.  and now i’m sitting around, twiddling my thumbs, with absolutely nothing to do.  this is soo weird. 

if you see me now matatawa ka sa ichura ko.  so i have this huge blackandblue on my left arm, my right knee is taped up, and i’m limping.  mukha akong galing sa rambulan or i fell down a flight of stairs or something.  kulang ko nalang eyepatch para kumpleto na emote ko.  mikah suggested i wear big dark glasses to give the impression that i’d been crying and i’m trying to cover red puffy eyes.  yeees ksp.  the world is full of chismosos y chismosas pa naman.  aba let’s give em something to talk about! 

ballet moms: "napano ka??" 
jacqui: "masakit po.  dito, buong tuhod." 
tita lynn: "ano yan nagkaka-edad ka na rin?"

chloe: "teacher jacqui what happened?!"
jacqui: "my knee hurts." 
chloe: "did you break your leg?"
jacqui: "no it’s just painful.  i’ll rehearse with you tomorrow." 
chloe: "but… you might break your leg!" 

tito rene: "anong nangyri sayo?"
jacqui: "nabugbog."
tito rene: "ano, ufc." 

haaay pucha ang dami kong hagdan na aakyatin bukas. 

received a text message from dr. dr. robles earlier today –

‘Grading Intlaw is giving me a headache.’

to which i replied –

‘Haha.  W/c reminds me, i also have to chk testpapers.’

so i start going through the kids’ shortanswerquestion essays.  after a while i wanted to text dr. robles –

‘Grading eurofor is giving me a headache.’

wala lang.  maka-text lang.  dr. robles and i are textmates.  my gad.  my gad. 

the only reason i haven’t left lasalle and am still at it even if i hyperventilate everytime i hear the word ‘publication’ is because the IR god believes in me.  submit the final draft by next Friday?  di na dadaan sayo at derecho na sa panel?  aba aba at aba.  peanuts. 

ok so it’s exactly 1:23am now and i’m still up, writing out my proposal.  1:24.  my deadline was actually last monday and the master plan was to work on it sunday afternoon when i got home from the studio and to not sleep until i finished.  such was my strategy when i was still doing my coursework, writing and perfecting robles essays til the sun came up and people at home came out of their rooms to find me still in front of the computer.  naks sipag.  hinde procrastinator lang.  hypervigilance is the key.  unfortunately, my tried and tested strategy failed me last sunday as i’ve been missing out on sleep for a while now, whatwithall the family socials and labas-labas late at night, and my teaching sked that no longer permits midday naps, and my tuesdays and thursdays off being spent either shopping for my unicorn or daydreaming about my unicorn.  and this lack of sleep is further compounded by wushu pre-eval training and rehearsals for this weekend’s show.  so pagod + puyat = (you betcha) no proposal.  it only took around an hour before my bed started to beckon. 

good thing i didn’t see dr. dr. robles monday.  i believe he’s at some conference.  so i didn’t have to ask him for an extension.  but just the same i would want to get this thing over and done with as soon as you can say ‘cornflakes!’  so that i can no longer say that i can’t watch the bloomfields play at strumms coz i have stuff to do.  so that i won’t have an excuse to ask joelle to give my dog a bath.  so that i will finally have to buy a guitar coz i already have time to learn my 3 songs. 

back to work.